*TRIGGER WARNING*
CW: 115 SW:123 GW1: 115 GW2: 110
GW3: 105 UGW: 97
-smaller face, bigger eyes
-narrower chin
-more boney
-tighter skin
-flat stomach after eating
-legs look longer (jeans and kneesocks)
-more space between legs in a dress/skirt
-smaller ankles
-legs don’t look fat when sitting
-narrower hips (tight skirts)
-narrower frame
- smaller face, bigger eyes
-narrower chin
- more boney
- tighter skin
- flat stomach after eating
- legs look longer (jeans and kneesocks)
- more space between legs in a dress/skirt
- smaller ankles
- legs don’t look fat when sitting
- narrower hips (tight skirts)
- narrower frame
Dirt builds up under my fingernails
And the cigarette butts collect in the pockets of my coats and of my jeans.
My pants fit more loosely;
My skin feels more like rubber bands wrapped around my bones.
Coffee is the only thing I can taste, and it tastes like iodine.
I feel colder, I feel far away, I feel like a crater where the earth has been churned up and displaced.
They’ve been digging up the gas lines from under the streets, you know.
Cutting deep, linear valleys into the mysterious red clay beneath the tar.
I imagine sinking through those gas lines,
Through that red clay,
Deeper and hotter and redder
And further and further removed
From the surface of the cities and the surface of myself.
No more cigarette butts in my mouth or grey dirt in my blood;
Just my naked skin against the red clay,
Just my ancient, finely-tuned body against the deep earth which bore it.
I don’t want my thighs to touch.
I want bracelets to be loose on my wrists.
I want my hipbones to stick out.
I want my stomach to be flat.
I don’t want my legs to jiggle.
I want to look cute in skirts and shorts and dresses.
I want to be able to wear a belt around my waist and look small.
Please
Please
Please.
- skinny legs
- a thigh gap
- a flat stomach
- thin arms
- a thin face
- wearing shorts with confidence
- wearing tight skirts and dresses
- go swimming
- stepping on the scale and being happy with the number
- looking in the mirror and being happy with what I see
- looking good on pictures
- being one of the skinny girls
- being able to sit on someone’s lap without thinking of an excuse why I can’t
- finally being able to live life to the fullest
Look at you. You’re fucking gross. I bet you’re thinking about food right now. Absolutely sickening. Just look at your legs, you’re so fat. Don’t you want to be frail and weightless? Now you’re just covered in fat, yuck. If you want to have people notice you, you can’t eat. This is why you don’t have a relationship. If you weren’t a disgusting fat fuck, maybe a guy would notice you. Those girls have thin, beautiful legs. That’s probably why people reject you, honestly. Do you want to spend your life eating and crying because you eat? Do you really think people want to see you get fat? Nobody says it. Celebrities aren’t fat. Attractive people aren’t fat. But you? You’re a fat fuck. Ew.
I’m doing it because…
1. To cross my legs without effort
2. To stop my thighs from rubbing together
3. To replace critics with compliments
4. To enjoy clothes shopping
5. To not feel winded, or weak
6. Reclaim control
7. Stop avoiding pictures
8. Stop being afraid to go outside
9. To look in the mirror and feel beautiful, or even just worthwhile
10. Happiness
